What If...

The things I've been thinking, saying, feeling for the past five years.. in a 4 minute and 50 second youtube video.

Without Our Dancing Shoes: Year 7

When is enough, enough? How far do you push it and when do you move on to a plan "B"? If there is one. 


Jack and I have "technically" been trying for almost seven years. (Yes, we baby danced without the right dancing shoes.. At least we were young and stupid, while we were still young and stupid). Anyways, seven years.. at twelve months to a year.. that's 84 times that I got it wrong. 


How long do I continue to drag Jack through this? This was not what he signed up for.. it's not what WE signed up for. I can't help but wonder if Jack thinks about all the things we could be doing each month rather than hormone injections, trips to the doctor for ultrasounds nearly every other day, and being asked to pass the thermometer before we've even wiped the crusties from our eyes first thing in the morning. Is it wrong for me to want the ability to do more than that.. to worry about more than that? I want to be able to drink more than one glass of wine with dinner, I want to be able to eat whatever I want without having to worry how it is going to affect my egg quality, and I want to be able to enjoy my husband without timed intercourse and conversations about cervical mucus and ovulation.


"Miscarriage is a loss-- infertility is not".... but, isn't it?




Well, obviously, since I'm an emotional wreck already.. we're back in the game. Jack should be home from deployment soon so I've been started on Clomid, yet again. We're giving it a cycle to build up in my system before it is actually put to use. So, fingers crossed. 
[ps; this will be revised later.. I'm going with next to zero sleep and there is a good chance the majority of this may not make sense. I just felt the need to blog.]

In God's Time♥

Just a little reminder for my fellow TTC'ers: don't lose faith.♥

Birds & Bees

This Halloween, Jack and I are going trick-or-treating. He doesn't know it yet; but he will be a bee and I will be a bird. Birds and bees make babies; right? If only it were that easy.

Anyway, here is some info I would like for y'all to check out.


THE FAMILY ACT OF 2011


On May 12, 2011, legislation was introduced into Congress that, if passed, will establish a tax credit to improve access to medical treatment for infertility, which affects millions of people in the United States i. This important legislation could help those who might not otherwise be able to have children, build families of their own through in vitro fertilization (IVF) if indicated as a course of action.


The Family Act of 2011 is the first tax credit introduced in Congress to support those seeking to build a family through medical treatment for infertility. It was introduced to the Senate by Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) in an effort to reduce the considerable cost barriers that infertile couples face.


The American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) lists the average price of one in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle in the U.S. to be $12,400.i For the majority of patients seeking treatment for infertility, costs for assisted reproductive technology, such as IVF, are paid for-out-of-pocket and not a covered benefit under group or individual health insurance policies. Only 15 states have passed laws requiring that insurance policies cover or offer to cover some level of infertility treatment ii.


With new U.S. healthcare costs continually rising and new coverage mandates in place as a result of the new healthcare reform law, it is more important than ever to establish tax and economic policies that are supportive of families.


If you would like to contact your Congressman to voice your support of the Family Act, go to
http://bit.ly/lsFfKx .


About the Family Act:


Tax payers who have been diagnosed as infertile by a licensed physician and for whom the indicated course of treatment is to undergo IVF treatment would be able to claim a tax credit
Eligible treatments include medical procedures, laboratory procedures, professional charges and other necessary costs when a patient undergoes IVF treatments
The maximum credit amount available to eligible tax payers would be $13,360
The credit would be available to taxpayers that have an adjusted gross income of less than $182,500 and phases out for those whose incomes reach $222,520
There is a 50/50 cost share inherent in the credit so eligible tax payers may claim the credit for up to one half of their expenses
About In Vitro Fertilization


During in vitro fertilization (IVF), medications are often used to help stimulate the development and release of a woman's eggs. The eggs and sperm are each collected and then placed together in a laboratory dish (in vitro is Latin for "in a glass") to fertilize. If the eggs are successfully fertilized, the embryos are then transferred into a woman's uterus. Hopefully one of the embryos will implant and develop just as in unassisted conception

Infertility Awareness Products: Click the Pic

Very Short Post; But Very Irritated TTCer.

You know what burns my biscuits?
The women who, in infertility/trying to conceive discussion boards, post their "ooh I'm pregnant" stories.

Number 1: 98% of us don't know you; therefore, leading into....
Number 2: 98% of us don't care.
Number 3: the 2% that do know you; would probably rather it not be rubbed in their face either.

Honestly. As a woman struggling with infertility, how did YOU feel about women like yourself shoving their baby bumps in your face? Likely, not too thrilled.

I am bitter. I'm fully aware of this. So, don't judge.

They have discussion boards dedicated to your kind; so give us, the unchosen ones, a break.
Gee wizz.

On to Plan B? Psh! More Like Plan Z.

Well; I have approximately three months before my dear husband gets home from deployment. So, I decided that since most Traditional Chinese Medicine takes around about three months to build up in your system; I figured I would give it a shot. Nothing to lose, right? I went down to the Herbal Alternatives store in the next town over to see what I could get my hands on. Came home with some Fish Oil, Dong Quai, Maca, and Royal Jelly. I was really excited; until I opened them all up and took a wiff. The comination of fish food, roasted marshmellows, and bloody mary's over took my senses. I have a very sensitive sense of smell.. so, this should be interresting.

For my fellow TTC-er's: here are some of the benefits of the above mentioned traditional chinese medicines and herbs. I'm anxious to see how things play out.

Omega-3 Fish Oil: Pretty basic every day supplement; generally taken for heart and joint health. When it comes to TTC-ers and pregnant women, it helps avoid pregnancy-induced hypertension (pre-eclampsia) and gestational diabetes. Long-chain Omega-3 fatty acids are critical for fetal brain development to provide your child the best possible mental advantage coming into this world. The fetus’ need for DHA is greatest in the last trimester of the pregnancy as fetal brain cells are being created at a prodigious rate (more than 250,000 nerve cells per minute). If you don’t have adequate supplies of DHA in your body, your fetus’ brain is going to have trouble keeping up with the growing demand for DHA building blocks. Thus, pregnancy is a critical time to take fish oil supplements. Also, with Omega-3 fish oil women carry children longer preventing premature birth.

Dong Quai Root: (should not be taken during pregnancy) Main benefits-

Menopause treatment;

Fertility treatment;

Speeding recovery from childbirth;

Herbal tonics for women;

Chronic rhinitis and post nasal drip;

Painful menstrual periods;

Excessively heavy vaginal bleeding;

Herpes zoster;

Uterine fibroid tumors;

Hypertension;

Blood tonic;

Fibrocystic Breast Condition;

Chronic inflammation such as rheumatoid arthritis;

Common blood disorders such as anemia;

Allergies;

Constipation

Hepatitis

Headaches and migraines.

Royal Jelly: While there are a number of different "super foods" that have proven to be highly effective at helping with fertility, royal jelly is more than likely the reigning King…or Queen of the bunch. This nutrient dense substance is a secretion that comes from glands in young worker bees, and is used to not only create a queen bee for procreation, but is also fed to honey bee larvae to provide them with optimal health and growth. Royal Jelly is rich in amino acids, lipids, sugars, vitamins, and most importantly, proteins. It contains high levels of vitamins D and E, and also has ample levels of iron and calcium. The following are the main benefits of Royal Jelly:

• To increase libido
• Support egg health
• Diminish and reduce the signs of aging
• To reduce inflammation caused by illness or injury
• To naturally boost the bodies immune system
• To help treat auto-immune problems like non-rheumatoid arthritis

Maca: Beneficial for men and women. Maca (Lepidium meyenii) is a root-like vegetable shaped like a turnip. It grows at 12,000 feet above sea level and is only found in the high Andes of Peru and Ecuador.
For more than two millennia, native Peruvians have used maca root as food and medicine to promote fertility, endurance, energy, vitality, and sexual virilityMain benefits for Maca are:

Balance hormonal levels in women.

Increase libido in both men and women.

Increase egg health.

Increase seminal volume, sperm count per ejaculation, and sperm motility.

Who should use Maca? Those with:



-Poor egg health
-Endometriosis
-PCOS
-Recurrent miscarriages
-Preparing for IVF
-Infertility due to stress

Fertile Foes

When you have been TTC for as long as I have, you come across all sorts of colorful characters. I'd like you to meet some of them:

The Chosen
"We've been so blessed". Also known as, "God has chosen to bless us with children, but not you".

The Professor
You guessed it. The lady with all the answers. There is always one in particular you like to refer to as Dr. So and So to your husband when she's not around. And, of course, if you would just follow her instructions you would get pregnant in no time!

The Bragger
"We got pregnant right after I went off the pill." Uh huh, good for you! : /

The One Percenter
Birth control pills are 99% affective and she swears she never missed a pill. Can also be referred to as, The Odds Breaker.

The Lucky Ones
You've charted temperatures, kept track of your cycle days, quit drinking coffee, and what did she do? Nada. "The first time was a charm."

The Virgin Mary
Really? REALLY? You don't know how it happened??

Facebook
Yes, I really refer to this one as Facebook. You know.. the networker. It was really easy for her, but she has a friend who's cousin's boss has the same problem you do.

The Every Day Partier
I don't even want to go into much detail about the one's who were so drunk they "don't even remember doing the deed". Yeah, as I sit here and enjoy my diet of water, OJ, and unsweetened tea.. I don't care to think about this one too much.

And drum roll please....

The Ultimate Fertile Foe

The friend, and I use that word very lightly, who calls you up to see if you could recommend a specialist for her co-worker who has been trying unsuccessfully for.. get ready... a whole TWO months. Good grief; I can't imagine what that poor girl is going through!

I'm being a tad bit bitter about things today..

I Would Die For That

I know that I have this posted on my sidebar; but I am pretty positive that it will tug on everybody's heartstrings in one way or another. (grab a tissue or two!)::::::::::::::: I Would Die For That By:Kellie Coffey

Will Work For Baby!

Surprise!

So, I call the infertility clinic I have been going to for over a year to schedule another Intrauterine Insemination(IUI) and can't. Why? Not because of insurance issues, not because they over-booked, but because they are closing down... next week! (Thank you by the way, Dr. YOUknowWHOyouARE, for the notice! boo!) Lucky me: I get to start all over with my testing, procedures, you know.. all that good stuff. The oh so tentative clinic won't release my records. To top things off, they inform me that our health insurance doesn't cover In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). We have done IUI after IUI.. after IUI, for the past four years and it's starting to look like IVF is our next option. To cut to the chase: as you may know IVF is just a tad bit expensive so I re-opened my store. See link below. And yes, I am desperate!


CLICK THE HOODIE (:

You Know You're TTC When...

Remember the good old days when you had no idea what cervical mucus was; you didn’t chart your temperature first thing in the morning and you never had a full emotional breakdown if your husband was unavailable during your peak ovulation period.

Infertility has made you weird.(and maybe a little crazy).

Remember the days when you used birth control pills so you wouldn’t get pregnant? When your older cousin announced her pregnancy and you didn’t burst into tears? When you would walk past a pregnant woman without glaring and feeling jealous of her baby bump? Your life has now changed. Oh, how it has changed.

You now know your husband’s exact sperm count and the rate of his motility (which, luckily, in my case.. his boys were in perfect shape) You now use words like ‘cervical mucus’ and ‘ovulation’ as if they are common words (I think I saw cervical mucus last month so I guess I ovulated. Do you think I could be pregnant, co-worker who I don’t really know?). You now have fertility medication in your refrigerator, right next to the milk and last night’s leftover quiche (Dinner time! Tonight we’re having meatloaf or Progesterone). You google all your fake pregnancy symptoms including (and not limited to): I have a cold. Am I pregnant? Strange twitches on left side. Am I pregnant? My right breast feels more swollen than my left. Am I pregnant already?

1. You sob every time someone posts a belly photo on Facebook.
2. A pregnancy announcement from your friend or a complete stranger can send you into an equal depression.
3. You have fertilityauthority.com and whythehellamInotpregnant.com bookmarked on your computer.
4. You refuse to buy tampons/pads, just in case you might be pregnant this month (and your underwear suffers).
5. You stop drinking coffee/soda and then drink as much as you can once your period arrives.
6. Seeing a drop in your basal temperature makes you inconsolably upset.
7. You listen to Michael Bolton songs and it makes you think of your infertility journey.
8. You feel relieved to see another woman carry a tampon into a bathroom stall. 

Infertility has made your weird. But it’s not your fault. Blame infertility.

Laughatfertility

Goalie

Childhood Goals For When I 'Grew Up': 

• Find Mr. Perfect
• Get Married
• <-- insert first child
• First Family Pet
• Buy House
• <-- insert second child (optional)
• Buy a Bigger House

After all, fertility issues could never happen to you, right?

Psh, next thing you know you're white knuckled pushing your grocery cart and crying.. I mean, rushing down the diaper isle for fear you might fall under the spell of that big blue eyed baby on the package and go into a completely uncontrollable sob fest. Your grocery list consists of the usual eggs, milk, bread crumbs, and ovulation predictor kits.Then spending way over your food budget due to the simple fact that you're dreading the check-out line because every magazine cover has a forty-something celebrity holding twins.
So, we continue playing goalie. Getting defensive and blocking out all that crap.
We will eventually get the win.

Silence: Golden.. or Destructive?

My very first post on my very first blog. I'm not much of a writer, so this should be interesting. Okay. So, I know from experience, infertility is a growing problem amongst women in the United States.  With this blog, I plan to show others going through similar situations that it is okay to seek out support.. that you don't have to suffer in silence.  The article makes a reference to how infertility today is the breast cancer of yesterday (as far as awareness and available support). That got me. Infertility is taboo.. there is a stigma. And, I'm not sure why. 

"Silence might be golden in some circumstances, but in the case of infertility it has been downright destructive.

Recently RESOLVE, one of the only organizations dedicated to infertility, made a bold announcement on its website: "People with infertility are being ignored." I always knew that insurance coverage for treatments such as in vitro fertilization (IVF) is scant at best, and that many doctors still don't treat infertility as a major health issue. I've learned that blatant misconceptions persist when it comes to our reproductive health. And it's no secret that the media doesn't cover this subject as often as it should.

However, what I didn't realize is that infertility patients' reluctance to discuss their struggles and advocate for change is directly preventing those affected from getting the support and funding they deserve. As Barbara Collura, executive director of RESOLVE, explains, "Infertility is not being discussed in the general public health realm -- it's not taught in health classes, it's barely touched upon in medical schools, and it's not a priority of any government entity. Yet how can we expect health care providers, educators, our government, and insurance companies to pay attention to infertility when the patients themselves aren't even talking about it?"

Why the silence? People battling infertility are certainly not alone -- a staggering one in eight couples face it -- yet many feel like it is an extremely personal matter not to be shared with anyone but anonymous women and men on message boards. Some say they feel shame for not being able to procreate or for having faulty plumbing, so to speak. Also, in our somewhat still Puritanical society, we've been brought up to believe that sex is a private matter. Discussing it in some circles, even when it pertains to a medical condition, is taboo.

Of course, not everyone feels that way. For instance, while plenty of celebrities would never admit having gone through IVF (even when so many give birth to twins in their 40s), Giuliana Rancic has helped break the mold by publicly sharing her fertility battle via her reality show Giuliana & Bill. "We had signed on to do this show and when we started having trouble getting pregnant, we decided we were going to be honest and reveal what was really going on," says Rancic, who suffered a miscarriage last year after undergoing IVF treatments.

The result of her candidness was both surprising and inspiring. "I started getting up to 100 emails a day from people telling me that I helped them because hearing my story made them feel less alone and ashamed," Rancic explains. "I was shocked by the fact that so many people go through infertility because so few talk about it. And while experiencing it myself has been more difficult than I could have ever imagined, I've found there really is a comfort in numbers."

However, Rancic is still in the minority: It seems that for most men and women facing infertility, it's easier to deal with something so emotionally, physically, and financially draining without having to field questions and opinions from every well-meaning friend, co-worker, or family member. Such comments like "Just go on a vacation, relax, and you'll get pregnant," or "You can always adopt," are far too painful to even acknowledge, so people figure that by remaining silent they'll avoid opening themselves up to such commentary in the first place.

It doesn't help matters that there's no general consensus on how to label infertility. In 2009, the World Health Organization officially defined infertility as a disease. Yet many individuals, organizations, and insurance companies still say that having children is a lifestyle choice and that infertility is not a serious medical issue. Some even liken fertility treatments to cosmetic surgery. But ask the millions of couples desperately trying to get pregnant whether or not having children is a necessity. Why would they subject themselves to months or years of such turmoil if, to them, it weren't essential that they try?

Certainly, there are plenty of valid reasons while this secret exists, but it needs to end. Thirty years ago, breast cancer was where infertility is today -- women just didn't talk about it (a topic I touched upon in a recent blog post). There weren't countless support groups, fundraising walks, and an entire month enveloped in pink. Women battling breast cancer did so in silence and, in turn, many felt isolated and ignored. However, now because there is such an international dialogue about the disease, breast cancer receives multi-million-dollar grants each year in research funding and patients are inundated with an outpouring of support and understanding.

Other cancers, AIDS, and many other illnesses follow the same path from shame to global support and advocacy: Once people start talking about it, the awareness, funding, and answers follow. "The silence is one of the key reasons why the infertility movement is not where it should be," says Collura. "By people speaking out and letting the world know that these are real issues affecting real people, that would impact advocacy, public education, and public policy."

What will it take to bring infertility out of the closet, so to speak? Possibly it would help if more celebrities like Giuliana Rancic came forward and if the media started covering the topic more extensively (as SELF magazine did with a groundbreaking piece on the subject). Maybe we need thousands of infertility patients and advocates to come to Washington D.C. for their Advocacy Day on May 5th rather than a few hundred like in years past. Or perhaps we just need the domino effect -- once a few people experiencing infertility open up, more will follow suit.

I don't know what the magic ingredients are that will take infertility from an issue no one talks about to a banner "pink ribbon" type of cause. The bottom line is that far too many people are suffering. But by suffering in silence, the stigma persists and the advances we need to overcome infertility will never become a reality. As Collura points out, it starts with those struggling with infertility saying, "We matter."

And when they do, the rest of the world must start listening."

Huffington Post

"Infertility: A Disease We Need to Start Talking About"
Diana Roth Port Feb 09, 2011